EDM All Day

Gladys Berejiklian appoints Mike Baird as new night time minister

In what has been labelled nothing less than a sensational return to politics, Gladys Berejiklian has welcomed back former Premier Mike Baird from his job at NAB Bank to tackle Sydney’s nightlife.

The former Premier Baird, now turned Minister for Nightlife had been reportedly flirting with a return to politics after things turned ugly at NAB with the Royal Banking commission. Baird told reporters outside his $5 million dollar Northern Beaches mansion, ‘When we got caught taking money from dead people, I thought, my job is done here. Mission accomplished! This is the lowest I can go. But then Gladys gave me a congratulatory call and mentioned she’s got a demolition site that needs some proper management. I replied ‘what’s that?’ and she said, ‘the final specs of Sydney’s nightlife.’ It was clearly a stellar opportunity I couldn’t refuse and I cannot wait to get to work to serve the people of this great State!”

After being re-elected only weeks ago, Gladys has waisted no time in sharing what the role of the new night time minister will include with the priorities being.

  1. More Police in more places fining jay walkers at night
  2. Larger fines for venues playing electronic dance music that Gladys finds appalling
  3. Max cap venues open after 8pm to 7 people (including bar staff)

Oh, how the people of NSW really owe it to The Liberal Party for really finding the creme de la creme of Sydney’s Northern Beaches to really turn our State into a world class crèche.

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